the sliding door fell and it hit my right rib. i was about to have a shower then i heard the girls screaming outside. "jap!" clearly, i was undressed. Aida came in and i could trace her eyes popping out. we laughed. then i heard Hanisah crying out "oh my god", thinking she was referring to the sliding door but no. i was only wrapped in a towel. it was honestly an amazement how Aida and i attached it back. my rib hurts.
it's been a stressful semester. imagine having to separate the brain into half. the issue is always either to get started with math or writing. i remember tweeting "fckng exhausted. if anyone tries to talk about how busy they are, mmg kena bunuh", and in return some of my friends or followers so they say in twitter, laughed at me. that was a hectic day. the classes are routine, but the occasional hiccup has drained my energy. tuesday is supposed to be a class-free day. but ever since i finalized my schedule, tuesday has been the busiest day; appointments, paying bills, and whatnot. to be frank, i don't know where i'm heading here. there's just this need to rant. to keep on typing without having an absolute purpose.
i was at Java House this afternoon. i think it's the perfect place to sip a cup of coffee and crap my head in and out of the language world. my eyes were strained out of numbers soon as i finished differential equation homework yesterday. so i thought sunday has to be a reading and writing day. Shari and i decided to get our drinks before settling down for a place to sit. the place is so cramped up. i looked up the tea leafs menu. ah, jasmine green tea. i almost forgot how good it smells. the fine gentleman was kind enough to gave me a smile and offered his table. "where are you from?" such a sweet stranger. i'm certain it was more than five minutes when we chatted about how much he enjoys cooking. i just don't.
i've been bottling up a lot of emotions inside. particularly anger. Aida was right when she said that as we grow up, we tend to calm ourselves down and not simply vent the anger out. except that the sarcastic Syaza can be impossibly sadistic. i was told once to be selfish but i know better that there's so much love in me that the idea of being selfish is out of the question. it's a question of how you were brought up.
it then comes down to seriously appreciating your parents. i must've at times either consciously or subconsciously uttered the ungrateful sigh towards them, and i came to realize how frustrating it is. it is so frustrating to have faith in a person, to be there for him, to trust her renewed judgment and to genuinely put yourself behind but all for an ignorance. especially that your frustration is seen as a quotidian tantrum when it is a gradual leap of empathy turning over. you are disappointed because you cared too much. some just don't think because it's the easiest way out. when the way out happens more than you'd expect it is an indication that you're not that significant to even linger in their minds.
to have been given up is another story. "i give up on people easily," Fatonah told me in her nonchalant tone. i don't. i know people have different ways of expressing their concern. it doesn't reflect any concern though when your feelings are a joke and that a thank you, even the simplest thank you gesture is far-fetched. such is life.
